Making Time for Family

By Mimi Kight

After Hurricane Katrina and subsequent tornadoes slammed into our town last August, my husband, four kids, and I found ourselves without electricity, phones, or water. We spent the next few days trying to cut our way to the outside world through hundreds of fallen trees. We worked side by side in the driveway all day sawing and hauling trees and spent our nights huddled by candle light with a transistor radio as our only link to civilization.

Ten Things to Do Together   1. Baking and Cooking—Extend your family mealtime by pitching in to prepare meals together. Bake breads and cakes, or make jelly to give away to neighbors, teachers, or church members as gifts.   2. Yard Work—Let's face it: it has to be done anyway. Why not divide up the raking, gardening and mowing chores and make a family day of it? Plan a reward at the end like ordering pizza or going out for ice cream.   3. Volunteer—Kill two birds with one stone by spending time together and helping those less fortunate. A great place to start is your local food bank.   4. Family Book Club—Go to the library and check out a few copies of the same book. Read it. Then, hold a family discussion. Parents or older siblings can read to younger ones.   5. See the Town—There are probably plenty of sights in your own community you've yet to see. Call the local tourist commission and ask about parks, zoos and museums you can visit together.   6. Get Some Fresh Air—State parks are also a great place to spend family time. Plan a day biking, hiking, or canoeing.   7. Board Games—What's better than a family game of Clue®? Other family friendly board games are Boggle®, Scattergories®, Taboo®, Pictionary®, and that old favorite, Monopoly®. Look for junior versions or team up younger kids with older ones.   8. Make It a Fun House—There are plenty of other games you can play right in the house. How about a rousing game of Hide-and-Seek or a scavenger hunt? My kids like anything from my childhood. I've led my girls on treasure hunts where they find a trinket from my childhood at the end.   9. Play Host and Hostess—If you know a family with kids the same age, have them over for a barbeque. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of playing kick-the-can in the backyard while the parents sat on the patio and talked.   10. Take in a Matinee—This may not be the cheapest family outing, but there's just nothing like the big screen. Matinees are usually less expensive and tickets can be purchased online to make sure the movie you're dying to see doesn't sell out before you get there.

This all sounds pretty grisly, especially considering the August heat and Louisiana insects. But at the same time with no TV, computer, phones, or Internet, we discovered something we'd almost forgotten—spending time together as a family is fun.

Once we were able to leave, we spent a month in another state with my husband's brother and, although we had phones and electricity, we were in a town where we didn't know anyone. The kids didn't have school or after-school activities. My husband and I didn't have jobs. We ate every meal together, read the paper aloud, took walks, played board games, hung out at the playground, and sat on the patio watching the sun set. My 10-year-old spoke for all of us when he said, "I know this hurricane was a bad thing, but I've never had so much fun with my family."

A month later when our town was livable again, school reopened. My husband went back to work. I started a part-time job and the kids resumed many of their activities. But we were determined not to forget the lessons we'd learned during our "down time". Now came the hard part. How could we go back to our previous lives but keep from letting them become so full that we didn't have time to just hang out together as a family? Here are some tips that are helping us pull it off.

Be Intentional

Times have changed since most families had two parents, a mom who stayed home and a Dad who worked nine to five. Families today are more complex. Single parents, dual-income families, a bajillion after-school activities, and in-house distractions like computers, Play Stations®, and the like mean that time together as a family isn't going to just happen. You have to make it happen.

Plan time together and insist the kids attend. This might make you unpopular at times. But think about your favorite childhood memories and you'll realize that most of them center around time spent with your family. Be committed to making family time a priority. Then, be creative about making it happen.

Quality and Quantity

When kids are asked the question, "What makes a happy family?" the response is almost unanimous, "Spending time together." According to experts, the myth that a large quantity of time can be replaced by less-frequent "quality" time just isn't true. Karen Dockrey, author of Bold Parents, Positive Teens (Waterbrook) puts it this way, "Daily time is irreplaceable. Five minutes every day is better than five hours on Saturday or a big family trip. The bigger chunks of time are only effective if there's already a relationship as a result of daily time together."

It's up to you to discover when that time works best for your family. Maybe it's at breakfast, on the drive to school, or just before bed, when things slow down a bit.

Eat Together

Okay, dinner seven nights a week isn't practical for most of us. But university researchers at Penn State, Harvard, and Depaul agree that children who grow up in a home where parents and kids sit down to eat together three or four times a week are less likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol and less likely to engage in premarital sex. They even found a correlation between family meals and success in school.

Meals are a time to share your day, to plan family outings, to air any beefs that crop up during the week. But be careful to keep things fun and light. Don't use meal time as a chance to reprimand the kids or harp on table manners while you have a captive audience. Keep distractions like TV or telephones to a minimum. In fact, it's a good idea to place a moratorium on all electronics until the meal is over.

Pray Together

In Matthew 18:20, Jesus promises, "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." I think this goes double for families. At least I know that some of the most powerful answers to prayers in my life have come after I've knelt with my husband and kids and prayed together. More than a quick blessing before meals, prayer time can be a time to connect with each other's hearts and see what's really important and weighing on each other's minds. Pray on your way to school in the morning or before bed at night. Keep a prayer calendar where you can keep track of special prayer requests and concerns. Be sure to praise together when the answers are given.

One-on-One Time

Before we had kids of our own, my husband and I took careful note of the way my sister and her husband raised their five children. One thing they did that we promised we'd continue is one-on-one time, each parent with each child. Now that we have four kids of our own, they'll tell you that some of their best memories are of a day at the zoo with Dad or an afternoon wandering through antique shops with Mom.

Getting a child alone, away from the natural competition that comes from siblings, relaxes something within him. You'll be amazed how well you'll get to know this burgeoning young person when it's just the two of you for an entire day.

Don't Compete with Electronics

Instead of allowing TVs, DVDs, and computers to take away from family time, try using them to enhance it. Rent a family movie and sit down to watch it together. I've started collecting DVDs of my favorite childhood TV shows and share them with the kids. Gilligan's Island is a favorite. Find an Xbox® game you and your kids enjoy and hold a family tournament. With new advances in home entertainment technology every day, how can a parent hope to compete for their family's attention? You don't have to. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

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