A Place at the Table

Including Every Generation in Your Family's Celebration

By Tonya Stoneman

Norman Rockwell's painting Freedom From Want has been immortalized for depicting a family enjoying a special meal together. Unfortunately, scenes like that famous portrayal are the exception in today's society. Family mealtime has been consumed by busy schedules that force us to eat on the run. Dinnertime conversation frequently gets exchanged for evening sitcoms. And sometimes, grandparents who live in retirement homes or elderly care facilities never make it to the family table.

People over 60 years of age often feel isolated from the world around them, as vast social and cultural changes have transformed their lives. The world they recall had more neighbors and fewer shopping malls. It had more time and fewer pressures. It had more live-in grandparents and fewer assisted-living facilities. Unable to find a place in the present, many seniors look over their shoulders to the past.

In Touch spoke with Edith Schaeffer (widow of Christian apologist Francis Schaeffer) on the brink of her 84th birthday, and she had a lot to say about this issue. According to Edith, there is a link between the contemporary notion of commitment and the displacement of the older generation. "People are not promising something for any enduring length of time. It's just as long as it's convenient for them," she says, citing high divorce rates as evidence. "There isn't the determination to make lifetime commitments." And that lack of commitment permeates other aspects of life as well: business, families, and the church.

In a world of shallow promises, where families are valued less than the pursuit of personal peace and affluence, how can aging men and women avoid living on the fringes of society? "I think it's a very sad situation if you're not in touch with every age, every generation," says Edith. She speaks as one who is very close to her family, which now includes 60 members. "I stay in touch with them all. First of all, I write a birthday card to every single one. And a little message on the card. Never mind that they reply or not, but I write. Even if they don't reply, as you write and as you select the card, it gives you entrance into their lives, and it makes you feel close."

Staying in touch with the young people who will shape our future is essential to Edith, who makes a concerted effort to see her grandchildren. "I feel it is very important to travel and spend the money to be there," she says. "And to pray for them." She encourages grandparents to pray for each of their grandchildren daily and to keep up, if possible, with what's going on in their families. When physical or financial limitations prevent travel, correspondence can keep people connected. And if there's no extended family, the grandchildren of, say, a co-resident at the assisted-living facility can easily be "adopted" as pen pals and prayer partners.

"I think it's important not to say, 'I'm isolated and nobody cares about me,'" says Edith. She recommends the opposite approach of "I'm the only great-grandmother they have, and they're not going to learn what it's like to have a great-grandmother if I don't say something or do something." Instead of feeling sorry for oneself, she suggests we "recognize that it's important for the younger ones to get to know a person of another generation. And think of things [to talk about] that would be interesting to them."

Joining the rest of the family for meals, when possible, is another practical way to foster intergenerational relationships. "I think it's important to sit around a table and pray before eating," Edith says. She also uses mealtime as "a conversation time, not just [an occasion for] grabbing something to eat." She also suggests, "Have something current read out of a newspaper, or have a book that you're reading and read a chapter at every meal." A story your family enjoys can make dinnertime an affair everyone anticipates.

One of God's great blessings is a place at His table for all of His children—including those who are unable to join their family here on earth. "There's no perfection here. But when Christ comes back, we'll be included in that wonderful company of people who are taking part in the marriage supper of the Lamb," she says. "I have a six-year-old great-grandchild who asked, 'Will there be enough chairs to go around?' And I said, 'Yes, Jessica, there'll be enough chairs. The Lord is going to have a chair for everyone. Nobody will be without a chair.' It's such a realistic expectation of a little child. It should be a realistic expectation of a person who is older."

At that heavenly supper, "we'll be able to talk to Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, and whoever we're anxious to see. We'll be together. Even if there's an isolation now, there is a togetherness ahead. There is a place set at the table for each one of us."

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