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Bad Examples Good Parents Set
By Mimi Knight
You might say, "Do what I say!" but your kids are going to do what you do.
The other day I took my daughter and her friend to see a movie. The friend is small for her age and, as we approached the ticket window, she explained to me that it was okay to lie about how old she is to get a cheaper price. Her mom does it all the time. I was speechless.
Of course, that's not the first time I've been disappointed by the example I see Christian parents setting. I hear them in the school parking lot criticizing the teachers and administration in front of their kids. I watch them at the ballpark screaming at the coaches and disagreeing with the umpire's calls. I hear them spreading gossip, sometimes even prefacing it with, "We need to pray for so and so because..." before dishing out a juicy tidbit.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, though, and I have to admit I catch myself doing things I hope my kids won't pick up on. Like when I visit their classroom without checking in at the front office, even though I know that's the rule. Or, when I drive (just a tad) over the speed limit, or get angry and let my tongue get away from me. What lessons am I teaching them when I hope they're not looking, but they are?
"Our children are like butter left uncovered in the refrigerator that absorbs the flavor of whatever is around it," warns Clint Kelly author of Dare to Raise Exceptional Children (Bethany House/Baker). "If we're given too much change at the grocery store and keep it or tell our spouse to say we're not home, when the phone rings, we need to think seriously about the example we're setting for our kids. Make no mistake about it. Just like that butter picks up the food flavors, our kids will pick up our character, values, and morals—the good, the bad and the ugly."
With that in mind, let's take a look at some bad examples Christian parents might be setting without even realizing it.
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Undermining Authority
Your child brings home a bad grade on a test and laments, "She didn't teach us any of this stuff." Without thinking you reply, "Man, I'll be glad when you're out of that turkey's class." Will your child go to school tomorrow and respect that teacher? If you don't require him to wear his seatbelt until you notice a police car nearby, will he grow up with a proper respect for the law? If you spend the drive home from church criticizing the preacher or spend hours after work moaning about your boss, what message is she gleaning about her responsibility toward authority? Read more.
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A Critical Spirit
When my daughter, Molly, was about five, we were driving down a four lane highway, crowded with super stores, car lots, and fast food restaurants. When I was her age, this road contained one gas station, a Ma and Pa hamburger place, and miles of pine forest. Molly sat in the back seat and recited the speech she'd heard me deliver a hundred times, "They move over here because they love the trees and the first thing they do is plow them under and slap up another fast food joint. Maybe when they're finished destroying our town, they'll go back where they came from." Wow! Is that what I sound like? Read more.
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Poor Stewardship
Tim Kimmel, Executive Director of Family Matters™ and author of Grace Based Parenting (W Publishing Group) says, "Stewardship goes far beyond tithing, saving and budgeting our income. When our kids see us not wearing our seatbelts or letting our appearance go, not eating right or coming to a point where we're content to stop growing spiritually or intellectually, they stop looking at us as a reference point or resource and start looking elsewhere. Instead we need to seek to become all God intends us to be until the moment we take our last breath." Read more.
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Living in Fear
The other night my husband took our two middle kids to see our oldest in a play. I stayed home with the baby. About the time they should have been driving home, it started to rain, then really pour with thunder and lightening. I said a quick prayer for their safety then let my mind wander thinking about all the horrible things that could happen to them. I pictured myself at a triple funeral, then sitting in a burn unit next to a tiny body wrapped head to toe with bandages. I saw David and each child being carried to an ambulance with a sheet over their heads. Read more.
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Never Admitting You're Wrong
Okay, nobody likes to admit he's wrong. I'm not very good at it myself. But James 5:16 instructs, "Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed." I've been blessed with some tender moments and rich teaching opportunities with my kids when I've managed to swallow my pride and apologize. Read more.
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"Probably one of the silliest sayings is 'Do as I say, not as I do,' Nonsense! Your values are more likely to be caught by your kids as they watch your behavior than taught by endless lectures."
- Ellie Kay, Christian Author
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