Harnessed Strength

By Elisa Morgan / September 27, 2006

What do gentleness and self-control look like in the life of a believer?

We all want a life that matters, and God longs to grow such a life in us. The fruit of the Spirit (as detailed in Galatians 5:22-23) is so much more than a list of good social habits. It's what shows when we look like Jesus.

Growing a fruit-filled existence of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control can often seem beyond our grasp. And in our day, gentleness and self-control seem particularly problematic.

Peculiar Power

For most of us, gentleness doesn't sound very appealing. Our culture daily screams out that to be successful, you've got to be tough. Gentleness just seems downright wimpy.

Many Bible scholars hold that the Greek word for "gentleness" is the most difficult of the fruit list to translate into English. Aristotle called it "the golden mean between extreme anger and extreme angerlessness." But I like best a definition that predates even Aristotle. An ancient letter from a soldier to his sweetheart described a gift he planned to bring home: a beautiful white stallion. The soldier marveled, "He is the most magnificent and powerful animal I've ever seen, but he responds obediently to the slightest command… He allows his master to direct him to his full potential. He is truly a meek [gentle] horse."

This picture is anything but weak. Gentleness is harnessed power, much like a majestic horse full of strength and disciplined to reach its potential. Likewise, gentleness is a unique will yielding to the fullness of God's desires. It's not about losing your personality or being passive. It's about surrender saturated in trust.

Jesus had a lot to say about this. "Blessed are the gentle," He told the gathered crowd, as He went on to deliver a curious paradox: "for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5). The Man who, with absolute authority, drove out demons and commanded violent winds to obey Him also called Himself "gentle and humble in heart" (Matthew 11:29). Although He was "in very nature God... [He] made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant... He humbled himself and became obedient to death" (Philippians 2:6-8 NIV). And, as this passage tells us, following Christ means having the same attitude. (v. 5)

Strength That Yields

Parents, beware! Gentleness is a tricky fruit to grow because it requires such great surrender—which makes us so very vulnerable. When we admit that we don't really get to pick what will or will not happen to our children (or who they will or will not become), we're recognizing what we invest in them has an ending point. Eventually, they'll gather up the heap of stuff we've offered over the years, throw it in the trunks of their cars, and head off on their own. They might purpose to grow a life that matters—or they might not. In the end, we don't get to choose. They do.

I don't like this part of parenting. Honestly, I don't like this part of life! It's not easy to relinquish the command central of my entire life and grow gentleness, the spiritual fruit that yields. As if at a giant yellow triangular road sign, gentleness pauses, looks both ways, and waits for directions before proceeding. This is the case for all significant choices, whether in the context of work, relationships, or you name it.

A Mighty Healer

One of Solomon's proverbs reads, "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control" (25:28 NIV). In ancient days, a city's walls protected it against invasion. Even a small opening would leave it open to attack. This crucial structure was designed to ensure the well-being of the city—not to cut its people off from living a full life. Likewise, self-control is the fruit of the Spirit that hems us in, protecting us from the dangers of bitterness, impatience, greed, and the like.

The biblical words translated as "self-control" come from two roots: one meaning to rein in or curb, and the other, to heal, save, or make whole. This applies particularly to our sensitive hearts and minds. Thus, to be self-controlled is literally to be healthy-minded—in other words, availing ourselves of the Holy Spirit's mighty strength, which protects us from situations that could inflict terrible damage on our souls. Far from our mistaken image of a severe, disapproving detention officer with bat in hand, it is more like a compassionate, expert doctor who will do whatever it takes to make you well.

Is there a hole in your wall—a place where you tend to give in over and over again? Whether a tiny, barely-noticeable breach or a gaping gash, an unguarded opening can allow all your good intentions to drain out: We're late getting the kids to bed because we couldn't tear ourselves away from our favorite show. We're unhealthily overweight, and though we're rather uncomfortable and the doctor has warned us of the dangers, we down another bag of Oreos for a quick emotional fix. The credit card balance creeps higher and higher, but we go ahead and get one more pair of shoes or the new flat screen TV we can't afford. We planned to get up earlier to spend a few minutes alone with God, but we hit the snooze button.

A gap in the protection around our lives grows bigger with each indulgence until the wall begins to collapse—laying our hearts open to more lethal attack. Pretty soon we're too weary to fight. Whatever. The hole's just too huge now to fix. Let it rip.

But it's never too late to repair the fortress wall. One of Satan's greatest lies goes like this: It's too late, it's too big, it's too hard—so, forget it. Yet, because self-control is a fruit grown by the Holy Spirit's strength, we can believe Jesus' words: "With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God" (Mark 10:27).

Will you choose to grow a life that matters? Your daily interactions may not be "perfect," and you won't necessarily look "nice" all the time, the way others think you should.

But in the end, you may just look like Jesus.

To learn more about what the fruit of the Spirit, read Naked Fruit by Elisa Morgan, available in the In Touch Bookstore.