The Diary of a Fat Man

By Ed McClure

"You realize how close to death you are," Dr. Colbert said matter-of-factly. I nodded. I'd walked into his office that morning weighing nearly 500 pounds and he was my last stop—both of us knew it.

I wasn't always obese. In fact, I was a fairly athletic teenager who worked out daily, even as an adult. Nor was I the kind of social misfit people seem to think large people are. I was ambitious and tremendously successful. By age 19, I was co-managing a renowned four-star restaurant. I loved my work and I was good at it.

My downward spiral toward death happened gradually, about 15-20 pounds a year. Before I knew what was happening to me, my weight problem took control and it seemed the harder I worked to lose weight, the more I gained. When I ran on the treadmill, my huge body broke out in a rash (skin on skin doesn't work). I had to buy two airplane tickets when I traveled because I couldn't fit into a single seat. I dined only in restaurants I knew had sturdy chairs—too many had broken beneath me. Everywhere I went, people stared. I was an embarrassment to my wife and children and doing the ordinary things of everyday life had become a struggle.

Even sleeping was difficult. The extra weight induced sleep apnea so I had to sleep with a breathing machine. My psoriasis was so bad that it had erupted into open, bleeding wounds on my skin. My entire body felt like a swollen bruise, and I relied on a cabinet full of medications to control high blood pressure, heart arrhythmia, depression and anxiety.

But, despite my enormous girth, the root of my problem wasn't overeating—it was my spirit. You see, I wasn't the proverbial fat guy who sits in front of the television munching on Twinkies all day long. I stayed away from sugar, exercised regularly, and worked long, hard days. In fact, I remember vividly speaking to a client who called me out in a boardroom one day. A confounded look crossed his face and he interrupted me. "What is with you?" he asked. "You're obviously on top of your game, you're highly successful and good at what you do . . ." His voice trailed off as he looked bewilderingly at my gigantic body.

The enemy wasn't my body, but the beast within. And this was something Dr. Colbert understood immediately. The very first thing Dr. Colbert asked me to do was kneel down and pray. My knees were so shot that I had already consulted an orthopedic surgeon about knee replacements, but I managed to kneel in front of a chair in his office. He called in his wife and assistant to join us. They asked God to release me from the spirit of rejection that had defined my life. They prayed for my restoration—spirit, soul, and body. I cried so hard I had to take off my glasses, and the more we prayed, the lighter I felt.

Dr. Colbert, a true expert in his field, detailed other problems that contributed to my obesity: I had a yeast infection caused by antibiotics I had taken nearly 20 years earlier, my adrenal glands were shot, and candida and other toxins in my body prevented things from working the way God designed them to function.

As I left his office he said something that totally blew me away: "Don't even think about losing weight right now. You are not ready. Your body is so weak and depleted, you could die." Instead of prescribing another diet, he instructed me to keep reading the Word of God and praying. For me, this crucial step was the beginning of recovery. I am convinced that if an obese person is ever going to lose weight, he or she has to begin from the inside out.

Eight Steps to Getting Started   These steps will get you started and you won't need a gym in order to begin being active. Resolve to be consistent and more active everyday. The results will astound you! Read more.

For me, the road to recovery began with forgiveness. It was an act of my will, not a feeling. Forgiveness is not a repression of wrongs done against us, but entails facing them head-on. For me, that meant allowing all of the pent up hurt and anger to explode out of me. I screamed, I kicked, I cried, I slammed a doorknob through a wall. I vented my emotions for over an hour. But this was not a breakdown or depressive episode, it was simply a letting go of decades of toxic emotions that had festered inside of my heart and soul. When we fill our hearts and minds with negative thoughts and emotions, we have no capacity for anything positive and healthy. When I finally let go of the poison that held me captive for decades, nothing could stop me. I began losing weight 10 pounds at a time.

Of course, there is also the physical side to weight-loss. Once you have identified where you are spiritually and emotionally, you can chart a course of action. This should begin with identifying your roadblocks. Studies indicate that most people who lose weight gain back some or all of the weight they lost. The popular consensus is that most people regain about two-thirds of their weight within a year, and that over a five-year period only 5% will have maintained their original weight loss. For me, a spirit of rejection had to be overcome before I could lose the weight and keep it off. When I genuinely trusted God to see me through to the end, he did.

Anyone embarking on this journey will need a few key tools—prayer is the most important. Jesus said that even faith as small as the tiniest seed could move mountains: I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. (Matthew 17:20) How can you be sure God will answer your prayer? Pray according to his will. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. (1 John 5:14-15) You will also need a diet that is appropriate for you. In my case, candida contributed enormously to my health problems—this is the case for numerous obese people. Basically, I craved wheat and carbohydrates intensely, while they acted as a poison to my system. Consult your physician to find out if you are afflicted by allergies, yeast infections, or chemical disorders that are hindering your effectiveness. Finally, getting adequate sleep and reducing stress are essential to success.

The last thing I would recommend to anyone striving to lose weight is "get moving." For most of us exercise is an intimidating word, painting a picture of pain,sweat, tight clothing, torturous equipment. The result is that we put it off indefinitely. But you can take baby-steps toward increased mobility that will yield huge results! (see sidebar)

In January of 2001, I weighted somewhere near 470 pounds (there is no way to know for sure because I hadn't been near a scale since I eclipsed the 350 mark). I began eating foods that helped my body, instead of hurting it, and worked with a personal trainer. Within a year, I had lost 200 pounds. I stared lifting weights seriously and was able to do lunges and squats without straining my knees (knee replacements were no longer necessary). I continued losing weight and regained both my physical and spiritual strength.

God gave me the strength to forgive and He sent me the people who could help me get healthy. God is love. And perfect love, according tot the Bible, drives out fear (1 John 4:18) and results in perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3). I am a living example of this truth. Is there something in your life that holds you back? A fear, perhaps, that prevents you from living a healthy victorious life. I can tell you, as one who has walked the road of despair into the light of Christ's healing love, that you can find redemption and real help through Him. He's at the door knocking. What are you waiting for?

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Ed McClure is author of bestselling book Eat Your Way to a Healthy Life, published by Silaom press.