Emotions

How can I deal with disappointment?

"I'm so disappointed," he moaned. "I was just sure that deal would come through. We had a lock on it, and a competitor edged us out at the last minute."

She was crushed. The whole weekend was ruined. If only the basement hadn't flooded, she could have joined her friends out of town for an unforgettable time of hiking and camping. Now she was stuck at home by herself to deal with a water pump and damage to treasured possessions.

Everyone has known the ache of unfulfillment in some area, the sadness that comes when life moves in an unanticipated direction. Disappointment may come as a result of a change in circumstances, such as a sudden reversal of plans, or it can be a more personal issue. If someone close to you behaves or speaks in a manner that lets you down, you may experience deep sensations of loss or the deprivation of feeling cheated out of something. The vision or ideal you cherished is suddenly broken apart, and you are not sure how to respond. Often, if your disappointment comes as a result of a personal offense, it is tempting to lash out at the one who has caused your plans to go awry. Disappointment cuts so close to our tenderest dreams that it is difficult to sort through the swirling emotions that result.

At Easter, as thoughts turn to Christ and His resurrection, we see a picture of how disappointment even afflicted the hearts of those who knew Jesus.

Years before Jesus died, before He was even born, someone who would be closely involved in Jesus' life faced unbelievable disappointment. He was a carpenter by trade. He lived a humble and quiet life and was betrothed to a young, godly woman named Mary. Like any Jewish man, he certainly looked forward to the day when the one promised to him would live with him as his wife.

Then the news came. Imagine the emotions in Joseph's heart when he heard that Mary was pregnant. He knew he was not responsible, and in human terms, the hard facts seemed to confirm the conclusion that Mary must have been unfaithful.

What a devastating blow to Joseph's expectations. He knew the social consequences. They lived in a small town. People would surely talk, but it was not the threat of wagging tongues that bothered Joseph the most. It was the pain of having to let Mary go. His vision of the future was altered radically, and no option looked good. Matthew 1:19gives insight into the heart of this man who pondered his course of action: "And Joseph her [betrothed] husband, being a righteous man, and not wanting to disgrace her, desired to put her away secretly."

If Joseph had been a hasty, rash, or self-centered individual, he could have loudly defended his own innocence at the expense of Mary's feelings. He could have let her reputation be ruined by making sure that everyone knew the circumstances. In his love for her, he did not give personal disappointment the upper hand. Privately and quietly, he wanted to break his engagement to Mary, but God soon changed his mind. God had a better plan for this chosen couple, and He immediately began His marvelous work in their lives.

"An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, 'Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for that which has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. And she will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for it is He who will save His people from their sins'" (Matthew 1:20-21).

What an incredible way to send words of comfort and direction - God used a special messenger to confirm Mary's words to Joseph. It was really true; Mary was going to give birth to the Messiah, and Joseph did not need to doubt that these confusing events were a part of God's plan. He obeyed immediately and brought Mary home to live with him, as a virgin, until Jesus was born. (vs. 24-25)

God has a unique plan for your life, too, one that does not change according to circumstance, environment, public opinion, or secret fears. When you confront a situation that does not line up with your understanding of how God wants your life to proceed, you are forced to stop and look at Him for direction. Sometimes God allows you to be disappointed in personal expectations so that you will learn to rely on Him more fully, to walk by faith and not by human sight.

In the daily disappointments that threaten to consume your emotional resources and deflect your attention away from the Lord, you have real hope and a real choice for joy and abundant living in Christ. Circumstances do not control you; Jesus does. You never have to be the victim of your feelings. You can choose to look to God and listen, learn, and move ahead. That is what Joseph did. His example reveals some key biblical principles for turning disappointment into a joyful, new direction.

Perhaps Joseph was tempted to "trust his own instincts," as the saying goes. But because he did not listen to the voice of his reason, he gained a heavenly perspective, which was God's will for his life, and a glimpse of a good future. He was attentive, responsive, quiet before the Lord, and ready to obey.

In her book Help Lord, My Whole Life Hurts, Carole Mayhall shares the importance of focusing immediately on the Lord when disappointments come. "Consider Jesus. Often we are looking everywhere but to Jesus. Hebrews 12:2-3tells us: 'Let us fix our eyes on Jesus. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.'

"When we keep our eyes on Jesus, considering what He endured for us, we won't lose heart, we won't grow weary of it all. But a great deal of the time, we look anywhere but to the Savior . . .
"When we fail to look at Jesus, we look in wrong directions - at self usually. When we look inward, at ourselves, our situations, our inadequacies, we become mired in self-pity. My mother used to say that feeling sorry for oneself was the world's worst indoor sport, and she was right . . .We must contemplate Jesus, whose mercies are 'new every morning' . . . "

In times of hurt, the first temptation is to strike at those who helped to cause the pain. For example, if a family member was so late getting home that you missed your plans for the evening, your urge is to respond with angry words, but that is not love.

Joseph may not have felt like dealing with Mary with sensitivity and gentleness; after all, her apparent "unfaithfulness" was going to cost them everything. Forgiveness is the foundation stone of love. Joseph was willing to forgive Mary, even though in confusion he was probably not sure what to believe. When someone's inconsiderations or offenses bring hurt into your experience, you can allow God to bring healing to the situation by forgiving.

God does have good things for you. Isaiah 43:18-19 reminds us of the faithfulness of His provision: "Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."

The withered and dead-feeling places in your heart, the scars of old disappointments, will melt away in God's restoring love. You cannot hold on to pain and tired remembrances of former hurts and embrace His goodness. God does have blessing for you, more than you picture and in ways that you cannot imagine. Let go of disappointment and the fear of hoping and trusting again. God holds your future in His hands, and you will never lose by looking forward to what He has in store.