Emotions

The Power to Choose

Watch any news telecast and one thing becomes obvious: we live in an angry world. Television and newspaper reports record the consequences of our angry outbursts with great detail. And while not everyone struggles with outward bursts of anger, there is enough irrational behavior to send us back to the drawing board of life to see where we have gone wrong.

In this case, as in others, God's Word offers tremendous hope and insight into a problem that has plagued man since the Fall. For decades pastors and Christian psychologists have addressed the issue of anger, how to handle it effectively and gain spiritual victory.

Each of us can choose happiness over anger and frustration, but it requires a willingness on our parts to be open and perhaps painfully honest about the disappointments and frustrations we face. In Make Anger Your Ally, Neil Clark Warren writes: "When people get angry, the results are almost always negative - even frightful.

"But it isn't anger's fault. On the contrary, I believe anger is a God-given capacity - a neutral force which offers magnificent possibilities."

He goes on to point out, "[However,] if people are taught to manage their anger creatively, they can eliminate negative outcomes. In fact, I maintain that when people learn to use anger constructively, they will be free to experience joy in their lives."

If we are honest, we will admit each of us has dealt with feelings of anger and frustration. Most know what it feels like to wait in a long line for something we really don't want to do. Or what it feels like to miss an important opportunity to do something we have looked forward to for a long time.

We can empathize with those who were not given the promotion, whose ideas were rejected at the homeowners' meeting, who were cut off in traffic, ignored, bumped, scared and treated with contempt along the road of life. We all have been there and have had to face the flush of anger and hurt when it rises from deep within. It is easy to walk away from situations like these or similar situations wondering, "Where did I do wrong? Why did God allow this to happen to me?"

God's greatest saints were challenged with negative circumstances. And each of them had to choose whether their circumstances would dictate the way they responded to life, of if they would allow the moment of adversity to lift them to a higher plane. Most chose victory and in doing so gained a greater goal.

When Joseph was sold into Egyptian slavery, he had to face the fact that his brothers were definitely not on his side. They were jealous and envious of the favor given to him by his father Jacob. Through the years, Joseph learned to cope with feelings of rejection and abandonment. He grew emotionally and spiritually and was given a position of authority under Potiphar's rule, until, once again, Joseph found himself being wrongly accused for something he did not do.

In prison and feeling like he was back at square one, Joseph was faced with two options: he could get mad at God for not preventing the hurt of his painful situation. Or he could "gird up his loins" and trust the Lord to deliver him and accomplish something wonderful through his suffering.

Joseph chose to trust God and the difference of this decision was dramatic. In essence he chose happiness over anger and forgiveness instead of vengeance. As a result of Joseph's obedience and willingness to forgive his brothers, the nation of Israel survived a deadly famine.

Forgiveness is something we rarely address in the heat of the battle. Think for a moment of the times God has forgiven you. He sees your pettiness and your striving and still He loves you. Jesus Christ has forgiven you for all of eternity. And if you want to put an end to the anger you feel inside, then douse cold water on the burning desire to strike out at others when they hurt you. Forgive their insensitivity and lack of compassion. Forgive as Jesus commanded, and God will set you free to live a life of peace and harmony. (Matthew 6:9-15)

Christian author and counselor Gary Collins writes: "Anger, along with hostility, has been called 'the chief saboteur of the mind.' . . . As a result, human anger can be harmful and dangerous. It provides an opening for Satan, and is something against which we are cautioned. 'Be angry,' we read in Ephesians 4:26, 'and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.'"

Neil Clark Warren adds: "On the basis of your way of interpreting events, you may have learned - perhaps at a very early age - to respond aggressively to certain happenings. And your response may have been frequently reinforced at least momentarily. . . . And because of this automatic response, you blame the external event for setting off your behavioral sequence. But it doesn't. You do!

"[T]he more you accept the fact that you can choose your anger response, the greater leverage you will have in the modification process. Your habits can be changed because you are in charge - not someone or some event outside of you. . . . Nobody can make you behave in any particular way. When you fully realize that you choose how to use your anger, it makes a huge difference."

You can handle anger and frustration by asking the Lord to make you sensitive to your feelings, realizing, of course, that feelings lie and rarely yield a true picture. They can motivate you to dash to anger or judgment without discovering the truth behind the circumstance. Being honest in your evaluation of what you are feeling provides an opportunity to turn all you are facing over to God. We cannot fight the battle alone. Jehoshaphat could not and he did not hesitate to tell the Lord this. God heard his prayer and delivered the nation of Israel. (2 Chronicles 20:1-30) There is no need to become angry, defensive, or fearful. God will be your Strength and Deliverer.

Many harm their own self-esteem by telling themselves they are the reason others are mad or irritated. This is just not true. We choose anger. No one can make us feel anything. It is a matter of choice, and you can choose to say no to angry feelings. But not on your own - Jesus must be a controlling factor in your life. He will never direct you to injure another person's self-esteem. In His time on earth, He exposed wrong attitudes and sin, but He never lashed out so that another's personhood was damaged. When you learn to view life from His perspective, anger will have a difficult time getting a foothold.

In fact, a wondrous freedom attaches itself to your life when you give God your hurt and anger. He is the only One who knows how to deal with all the issues involved - many you cannot see or imagine from your finite position. Never be afraid to bring your frustrations to the Lord in prayer.

Be aware that others struggle with feelings of anger and rejection just like you. Only God knows what your friend, co-worker, or family member is dealing with internally. If you have to walk away from a heated discussion do so and return later with the goal of communicating on an honest, open, and adult level. Be sensitive, listen, and communicate truth in love.

Of all our sources on how to handle anger, God's Word offers the greatest counsel. A good concordance and your favorite Bible can help you find Scriptures dealing with anger and frustration. Think through situations that others faced in the Bible such as King David, Peter, and Paul, to name a few.

The prophet Daniel had to face years in exile. The woman at the well could have remained in hopelessness and bitterness over life, but she chose happiness - joy - because she chose Jesus. Each had to deal with tremendous frustrations and situations far beyond their control. Their lives were no different than ours. Learning how they overcame their weaknesses will help you in your quest for victory, hope, and freedom.